


A Shelter in your Bed

by The_World_is_Red_and_Blue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, One Night Stands, POV Gwaine (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Percival is A Good Friend, Pining Gwaine (Merlin), Some Sex, Song Lyrics, arthur can you get a grip of yourself?, bar owner percival, bar tenant gwaine, based on a FINNEAS song, that turned into many
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27106783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_World_is_Red_and_Blue/pseuds/The_World_is_Red_and_Blue
Summary: They were always like this. A little afraid, a little angry, but most of them really defeated. Gwaine hated seeing those eyes devoid of emotion stare at their drinks as in a trance in this cozy and dark bar at the end of his street. He was an icon, a package deal in this place, waiting to catch these breaking hearts before they hit the ground. He was the only one who would care.In which Gwaine don't expect anything but wants it all, Merlin found a shelter but can't just let go and Arthur loves his chains more than anyone else.The "Let's fall in love for the night" AU no one asked for
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Percival (Merlin), Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 14





	A Shelter in your Bed

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this while listening (you guess it) "Let's fall in love for the night" by FINNEAS, so it's basically the song in a fic.

_Let's fall in love for the night_

_And forget in the morning_

_Play me a song that you like_

_...You can bet I'll know every line_

They were always like this. A little afraid, a little angry, but most of them really defeated. Gwaine hated seeing those eyes devoid of emotion stare at their drinks as in a trance in this cozy and dark bar at the end of his street. He was an icon, a package deal in this place, waiting to catch these breaking hearts before they hit the ground. He was the only one who would care.

He step onto the cigarette he had a minute ago and step into the yellowish light from inside. Sweat, bodies and alcohol, his holy trinity greet him hungrily. He smile filthily lazy, yet calm... tonight would be another great catch.

He lied, he had seen him before.

Since the cold season become a reality, Gwaine had seen him come to this bar time and time again. But he used to be happy, a little afraid a little angry, but with a real curve of his lips. Then it wasn't his place, it was how it should be, remembered Gwaine, as he saw him dance with a tall blond with a square jaw. Not laughing but content, even with a little apprehension written in the edge of his eyes. He had watched, his slim body moving across the dance floor, his blue eyes open with mirth. Yes, he wanted him, but he wouldn't be his, not even for a night. But he watched, from his local booth, with a drink he didn't remember ordering, with a smile that still reached his eyes.

He really hope it was enough for those eyes.

But he continue watching, how the contentment gave way to anxiety, how his lips never show a real smile in days. How the blond man started to appear less and less, always with an impatient expression, always talking on the phone. No more dances, no more smiles.

No, this heart was about to break, Gwaine knew. But it wasn't still his place, he was sad but not afraid, he was angry but no silently terrified. This heart was breaking but his soul wasn't, so Gwaine keep watching, waiting to see if this world would disappoint him once again.

So when he spotted the first numb eyes, the first night he drank until losing consciousness, the first hunched shoulders and panicked gaze, he knew. And it was time to act

There was no ending, no beginning. He had loved him for as long as he could remember, from childhood to adult lives. He had been his friend, his best friend, his one-too-drunk-night release, his shadow, constant in staying blow after blow. They had kissed, tenderly but mostly bruising, hurried, angrily. Together in inside battles, alone in the real world. It had been painfully beautiful, an opportunity to love him as he desire, obsessively, all consuming, too forgiving. He was like the sun, but if you were on Mercury, knowing how much life it could give, but taking all the scorching heat in stride. He used him, he left him, he took what he needed before tossing him aside in favour of the ideals that were expected from him, the normalcy he was born to fulfil. And Merlin took willingly all the scrapes of a love that would kill him for sure.

-You have a minute mate?- said a voice in his left, a dark haired man with a flirty smile but calculative eyes, dark round eyes that scream safety. At least in Merlin’s panicked-and-dying-for-a-scrape-of-surety mind.

  
-What- merlin started defensively

  
-Hey, I just thought you'd like a talk. You look like you need a drink-

  
He made a sign to the bartender, and the tall and strong man gave him a strange smile, then put a little drink in front of him.  
Before Merlin could refuse, he didn't want to get drugged tonight, the man took a sip of the drink, smirking knowingly to Merlin.

  
-I don't do that, quite the opposite actually. Now you don't have an excuse to refuse what you need.-

Merlin didn't, so he drank

-What’s your deal?- Tired, he sat in the seat next to the man, not caring if they brushed shoulders, not caring if this was his first contact with another human being in the whole day.

  
-Nothing, just wondering why such a gorgeous man isn't having a great time- the darkly lit room, air full of alcohol and sweat and… and fears, Merlin tensed, his fears could never leave him alone.

  
-I'm not alone- merlin snarled, furious with himself to believe he could ever stop from running back to him, even in his mind.

  
Surprisingly, the man just gave him a tired smile  
-I don't care, in fact I know- he took a sip of his own drink- everyone loves to be someone's- he added and put a gentle but sure hand in the middle of his right tight. Merlin took a sharp intake of breath.

  
-Listen, my terms are simple, you want me, I go, whenever and whatever pleases you. One night, two, everything is on the table my friend, just honesty is required, be completely honest with me and yourself that it's just sex and you have someone and we are great.-

The words were like ice through his veins, but the deep fire in the pit of his stomach told him he wanted him or maybe just the idea of him, just something safe and sure. But he couldn't, no, he was chained to someone else and the room had no windows.

-I'm sorry I can't- He couldn’t, it was wrong, it was freeing, it wasn’t worth the fallout that inevitably would come. He didn’t deserve something so easy and safe. He sat up with this last thought and began walking backwards without breaking eye contact. He couldn’t help it, those eyes could easily be in his best dreams tonight. His hair-covered face, still smiling, dripping understanding and honesty, traits he wanted but not from him, not from him.

  
-Alright mate, I'm always here when you change your mind- the man keep drinking, taking one sip at a time.

  
-Tell me at least your name, and know you have always a shelter in my bed- he added with a lazy wink

  
-Merlin- he replied without even thinking, because it was right and he knew, deep in his chest, this man was shelter, shelter from the dangers and jagged ends that followed him. -And you? - He asked before he could stop himself

  
-Gwaine- melodically reply the man- no, Gwaine, before turning to his drink but watching him sideways anyway

  
Merlin turned around and walked to the nearest way out. He felt his eyes on him until he stepped outside. And he was strangely glad of it.

Safety was something he could take, in whichever form it came.

Gwaine saw him at the bar some nights from then on. Dark purple jumper, blue hoodie with holes, worn red shirt loose on the shoulders. They didn't cross gazes nor acknowledge each other with a nod, no. They didn't care for each other and Gwaine didn't need to check if every night he went home safe.

But he did

He noticed if the curve of his smile was real or not, if the saturated light of the lamp masked his pale and haggard expression. It didn't. He shouldn't, dammit he knew he promised just sex and a safe escape from his complicated partner, but he wanted, he wanted those piercing eyes more and more every time he saw him.

He usually flirt his way to the bar, some nights with more success than others. Percy give him hell for trying too hard or trying too little, as he were watching him and knew that his mood was defined by a hand clenching his heart and squeezing it. He was probably right, as he was the bearer of the times Gwaine cared too much.

He wear his heart on his sleeve, which didn't mean he didn't love hard and deep. On real fact, it was those two extremes that shouldn't coexist that mean he lived a free but heavy life.

It was one of those nights though, when he still could enjoy a glass full of bright liquid without nursing his stupid heart, that Merlin called for him. From his usual spot, he watched as he strode inside, raindrops clutching to his dishelved hair, falling around his cheeks and nose, as he were crying. But he was crying too, eyes that have invested too much and failed, frantically searching faces on the crowded place, until he catches his own. Safety he promised, Gwaine reminded himself as he run across the dancefloor to him, and safety is what he came looking for, nothing more.

-Merlin what- without warning Merlin threw his arms around him, gripping tight as to a wooden remain in the middle of the sea. Gwaine returned the embrace, feeling the broken man's sobs shake his body. He steeled his embrace when he understood what this meant. Someone has gone too far on his heart, and Merlin needed a shelter. Luckily, he was one who didn't expect anything in return.

-Come with me? - He still asked, because he was straight forward, because he was decent he added- just to sleep somewhere safe-.

Merlin just nodded, smiling ironically as laughing of himself, and didn't let go of the fabric around his arm until they reached his door. Then he didn't let go at all.

Gwaine didn't want to but deep down he knew Merlin needed it. The truth was simple, they were complete strangers, tied tonight by the promise of a safe bed. Neither of them questioning their place in the other’s life, because they didn’t have one, at least not in the daylight. Because otherwise, what else do they share, besides the brokenness of their smiles?

  
No, people come and go to him for the sex and the safe place, not the intimacy, not the embrace. And Gwaine was happy with that arrangement, he clearly stated his terms from the beginning, he didn't want anyone to get a grab of his slippery heart. People didn’t need someone to be complete, we break and mend our souls in the own confines of our days, that’s what He had believed all his life.

But with him, he wished he didn’t have to.

-What do you gain with this? - Merlin asked afterwards, when he sat up on the bed with the intention of sleeping on his worn out couch and his hand had stopped him, around his wrist, grabbing more than just his hand. His eyes had looked so lost, so Gwaine stayed, spooned him in the bed that smelled of sex and regret.

Because he was weak, because he knew this was a ride that ended in trouble.

But Gwaine loved making beautiful mistakes.

  
-I meet new people, I have sex. It's a pretty sweet deal- he could imagine Merlin looking at him, eyes that bore into his own demanding the honesty he expected. Gwaine sighed -People tend to twist love and sex, I make it simple, people know what to expect.-

  
-And you do?-

  
-Sometimes-

And if Percy told him later the blond man had come to the bar asking for the man in his bed, tear-stained face, Gwaine didn't tell Merlin, because he knew where his loyalties lay. With the safety of too blue eyes.

_You won't stay with me, I know_

_But you can have your way with me t_ _i_ _ll you go_

_And if all your kisses turn into bruises_

_...I'm a warning_

He thought he had felt this before but he hadn't. No one tell you that an exploded heart still feel pain. No one tell you even if you set yourself to failure, the fall still hurt every step of the way. But after two more nights curled against a man too forgiving to survive, he just knew he had fallen too deep. Like he hadn't known when he first looked at him that first time, too big ears and too big eyes.

No, the problem began when Merlin wanted to be his friend. Because he was that kind of person, the kind that never used people, the kind that always remembered them. But who could blame him to agree to pizza one early night merlin came to the bar a little afraid but mostly content?

No one, no one that knew how to pick the battles with yourself.

He had make him laugh, make him cry of happiness and told himself it was part of the deal, that it wasn't something he would do if they didn't end up in bed tonight. When they lay in bed that night, Merlin was slow, crying but without soulless eyes, just resigned and a little guilty among a peace that lasted just some minutes. He could deal with that, but not with the quick fond smile Merlin gave him when he offered to clean him up.

Sometimes his walls crumbled inwards, and sometimes a broken heart was one that took the right decision.

He trusted Gwaine, and the realisation didn't surprise him. He was a solid weight inside him when he just feel hollow, an empty vessel filled with regrets. Gwaine was honest and a shelter Merlin didn't know how he had survived until now without. But he wasn't Arthur, he wasn't the Apollo too bright to his eyes, he wasn't better, but he wasn't afraid to love and lose, and Merlin needed him like no other. And if he feel guilty that he never remember him when he lay with Arthur on the few nights they could pretended their relationship could last more than a few days, he accepted it and pushed the guilt far far inside. And he tried to make it up to him, pizza and cold wine, smiles that show all the trust in his face. Complete honesty in return. And it was enough to keep his heart in place while breaking. It was enough it didn't hit the floor.

Percy knew that he had fallen again but didn't knew the extent of his falling until he found him passed out from alcohol poisoning one dark grim night. After some hours at the hospital and a silent ride to his home, Percy had shouted at him until his throat run dry.

  
-You could have died, you piece of shit! What the fuck is wrong with you?! - The man in his couch didn't raise his head -GWAINE ANSWER-

  
-I KNOW SHUT UP- Gwaine snarled, bloodshot eyes boring into his own without an ounce of hope -I KNEW THEN AND I KNOW NOW BUT I DON'T CARE SO SHUT UP-

  
-Who is it? - He asked already knowing the answer -You know the only way is to stop before it's too late-

  
But Percy knew his answer before he even opened his mouth

  
-It's already too late-

What he could do, he knew where he went when he cast him aside. Arthur wasn't as stupid as they thought. He was a coward, chased by the demons he created for himself and an egoistical jerk, but he observed it all, especially what he lack, where he failed. So he noticed when Merlin started to smile again, even with all its jagged ends. And if he fucked him hard some nights, angry thuds against over sensitive skin, and swallowing Merlin pleasure and pain cries, he didn't explain, not even to himself. But anyway, he couldn't blame him for sheltering from his hateful love.

He would escape himself if he could too.

Maybe this time, when he used him and left him again, Merlin would leave him for good. Maybe he would realise he deserved better and his cowardice is the only companion he deserved.

And if he didn't, Arthur prayed his shelter could stand thunderstorms.

_I know better, I know better, I know better than to ever call you mine..._

**Author's Note:**

> This would have a second part? Hell yes if my brain cooperates. I intend it to be gwaine/merlin endgame but in a long distant future (more than 6 years after this fic), when both have learned to love themselves (yes im soft). Anyway, we won't forget about Arthur, he will find his way too.


End file.
